I ditched Spn fandom around 3 years ago, so why does thinking about Sam and Dean still make my heart ache this much? Almost makes me want to start watching again.. Almost. I can’t stomach anything after Swan Dive, and I was aggravated with the quality drop long before that. I guess they ran out of material to continue the whole folksy, anachronistic, Americana X-Files style.
In any case, think I’ll ship Sam and Dean until I die.. It feels wrong to feel this strongly about an incestuous pairing, especially since I’ve got a sibling… But then again, the Winchesters live in a world, a domain, a life only tangent to the ones we all live in.
The appeal to me was never in ‘two men against the world’, but in two men suffering the world together. Even with no more than a car full of belongings, they had a world, culture, language between them.
It’s not that they were perfect for each other or that they didn’t have the capacity for loving others.. In the end, what the Winchesters share is pain and support. When the world and their father gave them nothing but instruction, order, demand, they gave each other choices. The love they had for each other was just as much empathy as it was means for survival; and while that kind of needy love isn’t healthy, it’s a sturdy and deeply comforting thing.
As much as I often romanticize the notion, I never want to know or need anyone the way that the Winchesters need each other. Because the strength of their relationship has just as much to do with them as it does their misery.
Still, I do want my life to feel like their Impala, switching between being driver and shotgun through endless highway and countless lives.
Learning to feel at home anywhere, just so long as I’m not in it alone.
Knowing that a new trail will appear eventually, even when we’re listless and left with nothing to occupy us but that the past and the maintenance of the present.
Claiming that the new trail will be the result of our labors and hardships, even when we have no evidence to or against the claim.
I don’t really want one person to live for, just one constant worth staying alive for.